Serious November

March 10, 2001|

Serious November

As most of you faithful readers know, I rarely, if ever, get super serious when I write. This may be a little more of a special one.

I just came back from watching the movie “Sweet November.” Cheesy love story, yeah I know. I am sucker for chic flicks. But anyway, I was told by a friend that I should go see this movie because I could relate to the story.

I don’t want to spoil the plot or anything, but basically Keanu Reeves is a hot-shot ad exec who meets this free-spirited girl Cherlize Theron and they end up falling in love. The catch, though, is that the girl, who only wants a month long relationship is not doing too well by the middle of the movie. She’s poppin’ pills left and right for “migraines”, she’s fallin’ over, all this stuff. Finally she passes out in front of him and he takes her to the hospital where he finds out she has cancer and has refused treatment for a year, and that she knows her time is almost up, which makes her such the free spirit.

What really made me sit up straight and think was when Reeves was told by Theron’s best friend that she has “non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.” Man, that was an eye-opener to me.

I started really analyzing myself and the movie as it ended. I could relate, almost too much, and it became overwhelming to a point.

As you may know, I mentioned the fact that the only way we will know if my Hodgkin’s is gone is when I feel no pain. Any pain, and boom!, it could be the Hodgkin’s back. Lately, it has been tough, and I will be very honest. I have new soreness everyday, shooting up from my upper back, from my hips, from my lower back. I was assured that I would have this soreness for awhile, normal scar tissue development. But it continually plagues my mind that the Hodgkin’s is back. Continually.

So anyway, subconsciously this thought of the Hodgkin’s returning has really been a serious issue. I mean if it comes back, there’s not mzch more to do to fight it. Consciously I didn’t realize it. Subconsciously I realize that this could be it. This could be my last year. This could be my last birthday. This could be it. Consciously I never ever thought it. How do I know this? Well one indicator was this crazy time back in Ohio where I just went bonzo seeing a million people, despite being tired, weary and sore. Another indicator was my desire to work like crazy with the Connection, trying to make an impression on these kids and leave my mark on the group. Another indicator was this desire to go out and buy stuff -a cd burner, a camcorder, new clothes, a new camera, etc. I realized subconsciously that I better enjoy myself while I can, because it may be my last to enjoy it.

Maybe this sounds horrifically morbid to you. Sorry. I only write what’s in my heart. We never know when our last days are going to be. Mine may be closer than yours. Regardless, as I walked home from the theater and pondered what this all meant, I came to realize that our days are to be sacred and precious. They are not a commodity to be abused. How could I live another day being unhappy? It could be my last. How could I live another day feeling bitter towards someone? It could be my last. How could I live another day holding a grudge? It could be my last. How could I let my youth pass me by, as I slave to the grind all to make a few extra dollars? It could be my last. How could I become so obsessed with myself that I lose sight of the people around me? It could be my last. How could I not tell someone I love them? It could be my last. How could I not tell you what I know about God and His love and forgiveness? For today could be my last to tell you.

So I leave for Florida tomorrow. I hope it’s not my last chance to go down there. I hope to show my grandkids the home videos I shoot down there. I hope to see all my friends again. I may not get that chance. If I do, praise God. If I don’t, at least I know that I lived that chance to the fullest. The movie, it wasn’t very believeable, nor would I recommend it for an Oscar, but it didn’t get me thinking about my last days and how I want to spend them. These are the last days. MineÖand yours.

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