November 12, 2000|

Happy Monday! Well I have some great news to start this week off, so hopefully this will help your week begin on a happy note.

Home for the Holidays

After a long period of uncertainty and confusion over my schedule of the next few months, a break through finally occurred on Thursday after meeting my primary doctor, Dr. Moskowitz. I finally wrestled a schedule of events out of him and it looks like I will be able to go home for Christmas! That was such exciting news! I will put up my new calendar of events when I get a chance, but it ends up I won’t start my in-hospital stem cell transplant till after December 26th. Before that I have a round of radiation (it’s OK, it won’t be as bad as last time!) and a round of chemotherapy this Tuesday – Thursday. Thanksgiving is still up in the air, but I can totally deal with being in New York on Thanksgiving. During high school, I was in the Macy’s Parade singing and dancing (let the jokes begin), and I have always wanted to see it in the audience. I may get my chance, as I may not be allowed to travel home. (Flying is out the question, but driving could happen.)

The Wedding

Tentatively I am not going to be able to go Marc and Kim’s wedding, which is incredibly heartbreaking for me, as I am in the wedding, and, more importantly, I was there for the inception of this amazing relationship, and I want to be there on the day when it completes, so badly. I am hoping I can push back the transplant a week. If so, then I will be able to spend more time in Ohio, seeing a lot you (and also working from home, can’t beat having a laptop!). We’ll see what happens. Hopefully a week will not matter in the treatment schedule.

Hope

I got a chance last week to talk to a former professor about her stem cell transplant, which took place four years ago. She is doing fine now and is in remission. One of the analogies she used for this procedure really has stuck with me. She said this is like using an atomic bomb to kill a fly. Previously we used a fly swatter (chemo and radiation) to kill the fly, but it didn’t work. So now let’s bring out the big guns. I have really thought and visualized on that analogy. Despite my doctor’s pessimism, we are going to show him that this a-bomb is gonna work and that he should be on our side too.

But…

I also have read a really cool story that symbolizes what I really feel, too. There is this story in the Old Testament (Daniel 3) about these three guys who refuse to bow down to a golden idol. When the king finds out, he goes bonkers and orders them to be put into a giant furnace to die by fire. When he talks to the three guys, they say to him, “…we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the images of gold you have set up.”

I can honestly say I feel that way about my situation. God can totally heal me and prove to Dr. Moskowitz and all the other pessimists that despite the odds He saved me. But if He doesn’t heal me, I still will believe in him and trust Him. That’s tough to swallow, but I have come to that point. He’s sovereign.

Prayer and Fasting Calendar

I am totally blown away everyday when I get emails from Kim and Pat seeing more and more people signing up to take a day to pray and fast for me. I feel so humbled and honored. For those of you who are trying to figure out what is going on with that deal, you can e-mail Kim and she will help you out. (Also congratulate her, she’s getting married in 7 weeks!). I have also found a couple of links that will help you to understand the purpose of fasting and how and what to do. This fasting may be on a day for me, but it is totally a day between you and God. Hopefully you will be as blessed as I am. Thank you and please keep in touch and send in your stories, letters and learnings!