Things change at the last minute

January 8, 2003|

Things change at the last minute. Always. Welcome to the health care business. I was supposed to be in New York City this past week for a few tests and to meet a new doctor, but at the last minute I was told to stay home for two weeks until my doctor got back from his vacation. I am glad I did- it was the best football weekend in years in the Canning household as Ohio State and the Steelers won in dramatic fashion.

More significantly though, I am feeling much better. The pain has lessened which has led to a decrease in pain meds which means I think straight again. Not having pain also is beneficial because allows me to recoup my strength. Everyday you can find me at Wal-Mart or at the Mall walking around. Of course the old people are there at the mall, walking at all hours with the headbands and sweatpants. Nothing is as embarrassing as getting lapped by some old fogey, but everyone has to start somewhere, I guess. I still have bad whole body chills and night sweats, but those are a tad more manageable.

Now that I can think straight I can elaborate more on what’s going on. This should help clarify my frustration and (frankly) my pessimism. Back in November, when I was feeling healthy, I had a phenomenal plan that somehow dropped in my lap. I was going to start Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary (in Boston) in June. Before then, to save money, make money and keep in the insurance company’s good graces, I was going to move home to Ohio in December. I had a few leads to teach, a church willing to let me intern there, and a few classes to take online, so as to get a jump on my education. It was almost too perfect. Deep down I knew it would never materialize. These things just don’t happen in my life nowadays. Everything has to be an adventure.

I did move back to Ohio anyway, which has proven an asset. As for the rest, it’s all up in the air. I may get a call requiring me to head back to New York. Who knows where I’ll be in a week?

Frankly I’ve had it with all this. I’m frustrated to no end. I keep asking God to give me a freakin’ break. Not happening, that’s for sure.

To make matters worse, this is it. I’m not sure if I wrote this earlier, but there is no more chemotherapy, transplants, anything. There are few trial drugs out there that may work, but I am out of options. It doesn’t get much more frustrating than this- to finally have your life together and then have it all crumble overnight with a highly probable death sentence at the other end. What more can I ask for? God, just give me a freakin’ break, a freakin’ break.


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